Why We Push People Away?

It’s strange that we sometimes push our loved ones away just when we need them the most. Isn't it like throwing away a flashlight while walking through a dark tunnel? Or leaving your umbrella behind when it's pouring outside?

Sounds weird, right? But it's something many of us do without even realising it.

So, why do we do this? Why do we isolate ourselves during difficult times?

There could be various reasons, such as,

• Not wanting to be a burden on the people we love. Sometimes, we push people away because we don’t want to trouble them or become a burden on them.
• Scared of being misunderstood. We worry that people might judge us or minimise our problems.
• Not being able to explain ourselves. When we are already in a vulnerable spot, expressing and explaining ourselves becomes even more difficult.
• Wanting to deal with everything alone. We might think that dealing with things alone makes things easier.
• Or simply not wanting people to see us struggling. We might be afraid to look weak, especially in front of those who know us well.

But does this really work?

We distance ourselves, thinking this would help us. But in reality, it doesn’t. We continue to suffer even more. Alone.

Why?

Because the consequences of this create even more trouble in our lives.

Distancing ourselves makes us feel lonelier because we keep everything to ourselves and deal with it internally. Also, those close to us might not understand why we’ve become distant, which can lead to further misunderstandings and disconnection in our relationships.

However, distance is not bad. Sometimes, taking space can help. The problem begins when we mistake solitude for isolation and space for cutting people off from our lives.

Why is it difficult to let people in?

Because letting people see our vulnerable side feels harder than dealing with the problem itself. We might think opening up would change how people see us, and that opening up would invite sympathy, which we do not want.

But isn’t it weird that we want people to understand us but we never actually give them the chance to?

And that we always think, “What if they judge me?” “What if they change?” and not “How would opening up help?” “How do I make them understand?”

It is okay to think that way. But try to consider the other aspect as well. Try to break the pattern and give others a chance.

How to break this pattern?

I know breaking this pattern is not as easy as it sounds. It takes a lot of courage and a long discussion with yourself, convincing yourself that “opening up will be fine”, but this is the only way to make things easier.

You can also try to think positively; it’s normal to expect the worst when things are already going badly.

However, you don’t have to force yourself. If you’re not comfortable opening up with someone you know or someone who knows you, you can share your problem on community forums anonymously; people there might help you.

But a better way is to talk to a counsellor, because a counsellor will listen to you without judging you and will guide you to break the wall you’ve made between you and the people you love and come out of the trouble.

How the Biyani Group of Colleges Makes a Difference?

Biyani College understands that mental & emotional well-being is important as well. Faculty at Biyani are friendly and allow students to share what’s on their minds, and also, the College provides a safe space for students to open up and let everything that is troubling them out.

As a saying goes:

“When life gets hard, a good relationship should be a safe place to hide and feel protected. However, instead of running to that safe place, our first reaction is often to shut out the people who love us.”

Hence, pushing people away is not the solution to our problems.

You do not have to go through everything alone, and remember that sharing your problem with the right person helps because,

A problem shared is a problem halved.